Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Mental Toughness
Mental Toughness is a personality trait which is integral to understanding how people respond to stress, pressure and challenge. Research shows that mental toughness is a key factor in resilience and sustainable performance. It can account for up to 25% of the variation in an individual’s performance and is a significant factor in well-being. Are you Mentally Tough?
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Are you just incubating?
I
hear it all the time from clients, "help me with my procrastination."
This article by the "Indian Jones of Positive Psychology" Dr. Robert
Biswas-Diener, puts a whole new spin on the philosophy behind procrastination.
Are you a true procrastinator - OR - are you just an incubator? Read more to
learn more......
Are
you a procrastinator or an incubator?
By Robert Biswas-Diener, Oprah.com
February 16,
2010
As a
university instructor, the close of each academic term is always the same for
me: I get a flurry of apologetic e-mails from panicked students who have put
off their homework and term papers until the last possible moment. They beg for
an extension.
Procrastination
is a phenomenon that is familiar to everyone, even outside of
academia. Who really likes to wash laundry, balance checkbooks or fill out
complicated tax forms? Most folks put these activities off in favor of more
pleasant pastimes like socializing, going out to eat or reading a good book.
Procrastination
is the result of having very little motivation for a boring or unpleasant
activity and it is something everyone experiences. The real problem is that
procrastination can sometimes overshadow a hidden strength.
Incubation
is not procrastination
I once
coached an extraordinary young man, whom I'll call Mark. Mark was at the tail
end of his training at a prestigious medical school. When we met on a Monday of
his last week, Mark told me he felt the stress of a number of weighty
assignments, all of which had pressing deadlines.
He had
only a handful of days to write applications for internships, turn in final
papers and secure letters of recommendation. It was a tremendous amount of
difficult work to be completed in a short period of time. Mark asked me to
check back with him midweek to crack the whip and make sure he was still making
progress on his work.
When we
spoke again on Wednesday, Mark had fallen into a deep funk. Not only was there
no progress, but he had frittered away hours in meaningless pastimes like
downloading music and walking in the park.
Mark
uttered the all-too-familiar phrase, "I am such a
procrastinator!" He vilified himself for checking e-mail, having
lunch with his wife and other activities that appeared to be in the service of
avoiding his more pressing tasks.
Something
about the word "procrastinator" just didn't fit with what I was
seeing. Here was a young man about to graduate from an elite medical school
with a flawless academic record extending back into his middle school years.
My
instincts told me that it was not a lifetime of chronic procrastination that
led Mark to his current situation. On a hunch, I asked him a crucial question,
"When you get around to completing your work -- and we both know that you
eventually will -- how will the quality be?"
My
client seemed taken aback by the question. He answered with confidence, a
single word: "Superior!" I realized, in that moment, that there
may be a subtle but important difference between the "back burner"
mentality I saw in my client and the traditional way a procrastinator works.
Procrastinators
may have a habit of putting off important work. They may not ever get to
projects or leave projects half finished. Importantly, when they do complete
projects, the quality might be mediocre as a result of their lack of engagement
or inability to work well under pressure.
What
Mark presented was something qualitatively different: a clear sense of
deadlines, confidence that the work would be complete on time, certainty that
the work would be of superior quality and the ability to subconsciously process
important ideas while doing other -- often recreational -- activities.
I
realized I was looking at a strength, one I called "incubator." When
I shared this term with Mark, he felt as if the weight of the world had been
lifted off his shoulders.
What
does incubation mean?
One of
the greatest difficulties with identifying an incubator is that they often look
like procrastinators. People with both work styles tend to put off work until
the last moment, and both seem to be best motivated by external pressures such
as deadlines.
Importantly,
people with both work styles are likely to be hard on themselves and consider
themselves lazy.
In a
pilot study with 184 undergraduate university students, we were able to isolate
specific items that distinguished incubators from the rest of the pack.
Incubators were the only students who had superior-quality work but who also
worked at the last moment, under pressure, motivated by a looming deadline.
This
set them apart from the classic "good students," the planners who
strategically start working long before assignments are due, and from the
procrastinators, who wait until the last minute but then hand in shoddy work or
hand it in late.
For
most incubators, having a label that is less pejorative than
"procrastinator" can be a breath of fresh air. Incubators tend
to be bright, creative people with an amazing gift to work hard under pressure.
As such, they can be very dependable in work situations that require
last-minute changes or tight deadlines.
The
other side of this coin is that they can be frustrating to work with because
they appear to sit idle for so long. For incubators, it can be as helpful to
appraise friends, family members and co-workers of your natural work style so
the people around you can adjust their expectations accordingly.
Setting
realistic expectations for yourself can let you off the emotional hook as you
appear to waste time, solid in the knowledge that your projects will be
completed when they need to be.
My
former coaching client, Mark, actually built in "incubation time"
during which he could watch movies, listen to music or other goof-off
activities, knowing that -- below the surface -- his mind was preparing for
work and that he would snap into action when the time was right. As for my
students requesting extensions for their term papers, they should have planned
ahead!
Are You
an Incubator? Use the scale below to answer the following questions:
4 - Perfectly describes me
3 - Describes me somewhat
2 - Does not really describe me
1 - Does not describe me at all
A. _____ I always get my work completed on time.
B. _____ The quality of my work is superior.
C. _____ It takes a looming deadline to motivate me.
D. _____ When I finally get to work, I feel highly engaged.
E. _____ I surprise myself by moving into action at the last
minute.
F. _____ I do my best work under pressure.
If you scored a 20 or higher, you may be an incubator.
Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is on the editorial boards for the
Journal of Happiness Studies and Journal of Positive Psychology and is the
author of "Practicing Positive Psychology Coaching, Happiness: Unlocking
the mysteries of psychological wealth" and "Positive Psychology
Coaching."
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Self Esteem vs. Self Compassion
Self Esteem vs. Self Compassion
We have all heard about self-esteem and the pros and cons of either having too much or not enough, but here is a different take ~ Self-Compassion. I like this blog post because it links back to Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) techniques, as well as, methods we use in Positive Psychology: e.g., being mindful.
Check it out:
http://blog.pickcrew.com/truth-about-self-esteem/
Tell me what you think? What this blog helpful? Does it send the right message to help you in your search of balance over the self?
We have all heard about self-esteem and the pros and cons of either having too much or not enough, but here is a different take ~ Self-Compassion. I like this blog post because it links back to Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) techniques, as well as, methods we use in Positive Psychology: e.g., being mindful.
Check it out:
http://blog.pickcrew.com/truth-about-self-esteem/
Tell me what you think? What this blog helpful? Does it send the right message to help you in your search of balance over the self?
Friday, July 25, 2014
The-5-Most-Popular-Pieces-I-Have-Ever-Written by Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener
Check out the most popular blog posts by the "Indiana Jones" of Positive Psychology: Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener.
http://myemail.constantcontact.com/The-5-Most-Popular-Pieces-I-Have-Ever-Written.html?soid=1102621930729&aid=lMCNVhw6lb8
http://myemail.constantcontact.com/The-5-Most-Popular-Pieces-I-Have-Ever-Written.html?soid=1102621930729&aid=lMCNVhw6lb8
The 5 Most Popular Pieces I Have Ever Written
Over the years there have been a few pieces of writing I have done that have really captured public interest. Here is a greatest hits of sorts of topics ranging from revenge to happiness. I hope you enjoy them and share them with others:
1. What happy people do differently:
In this cover article from Psychology Today co-author Todd Kashdan and I offer a new take on happiness.
2. Revenge is good for you:
Everyone knows that revenge is bad. Except for when it is good.
3. 5 Myths about positive psychology:
Because it is positive people want to believe in positive psychology. Although there are many terrific scientific findings emerging from this field there are some that have been mis-interpreted.
4. Are hook-ups psychologically healthy?
I wrote an uncharacteristic piece on sex just to see how popular a topic it is. More than 80 thousand people read the post and the number grows daily. Read it to see what's so tantalizing!
5. Your happiest days are behind you.
In this TEDx talk I argue that the past is an overlooked repository of happiness. I also have the opportunity to tell one of my favorite stories:
You will find breaking news, fascinating research results, the best blogs and other great material. https://www.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Tips on Communication:
Mastering how, and when, to communicate
effectively is one of the most important skills one can learn....
"It's better to say nothing, than spend 1000 words or an hour speech saying nothing. Get to the point - fast" ~ Richard Branson
Advice
on giving speeches:
When
will people realize that a short speech is so much better than a long speech?
In the same way most business pitches can be done on the back of an envelope,
most of what anybody has to say of great note can fit on one side of paper.
As
somebody who is fortunate enough to be asked to stand onstage every now and
then, I am always very conscious of wanting to get across the message without
boring everybody to tears.
I’ve
written before about how nervous I still get when speaking in front of an
audience, and why it is always better to speak from the heart. Also, 90%
of the time it is better to ad-lib rather than read from contrived speech
notes. Even if you forget certain points you wanted to make, the people who are
listening always desperately want hear your passion, not just your theory.
Even
if you have been asked to do a serious speech, try to come up with witty lines
to make people laugh, especially at the beginning and end. Start making people
smile, have a laugh in the middle, be sure to include a bit of serious stuff
either side of that, but end on a smile. This is good advice for wedding
speeches in particular!
I
remember following somebody in Japan who droned on for two hours; I just looked
around and every single person was sound asleep. I'd been asked to do a one and
a half hour speech to follow up.
When
I saw what was happening, I wouldn't do a speech at all; I got on stage and
asked the audience to interact with me. After 40 minutes I left on a high,
everyone was enjoying it - and was awake!
The
organizers were looking rather annoyed and ordered me back onstage, but I
successfully argued it was better to end on a high note than keep to a time
limit.
What
I learned from that was never to do a formal speech. Now I do Q&A sessions
to raise funds for our not-for-profit foundation Virgin Unite, and try to get people involved. I just take
whatever comes, whether it is serious questions, jokes or business pitches. If
somebody wants a photo, I invite them up, I have a laugh with them. If somebody
tries to sell something to me, I let the audience judge business ideas.
~Richard
Branson
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Are you a humble leader?
Moral
wisdom for the modern world
by
Michael Austin
Humility: Humility
is a trait worth having.
Published
on June 27, 2012 by Michael W. Austin in Ethics for Everyone
 |
| *The violet is a symbol for humility, in some traditions. |
Recent studies show that humility is connected with many forms of
pro-social behavior. While some misunderstand humility as low self-esteem or
self-denigration, a proper conception of this virtue has both self-regarding
and other-regarding components. The humble person keeps her accomplishments,
gifts, and talents in a proper perspective. She has self-knowledge, and is
aware of her limitations as an individual and as a human being. But humble
individuals are also oriented towards others, they value the welfare of other
people and have the ability to "forget themselves" as well, when
appropriate.
Interestingly, the empirical research
on humility shows that this trait has
great value. Humility has been linked with better academic performance, job
performance, and excellence in leadership.
Humble people have better social relationships, avoid deception in their
social interactions, and they tend to be forgiving, grateful, and cooperative.
A recent set of studies also shows that humility is a consistent predictor of
generosity.1 People who are humble tend to be more generous
with both their time and their money.
Some philosophers historically have not been impressed with
humility. Aristotle leaves it out of his catalogue of virtues, while both David
Hume and Friedrich Nietzsche are critical of this trait.
Hume, for example, says:
"Celibacy, fasting, penance,
mortification, self-denial, humility, silence, solitude, and the whole train of
monkish virtues; for what reason are they everywhere rejected by men of sense,
but because they serve to no manner of purpose; neither advance a man’s fortune
in the world, nor render him a more valuable member of society; neither qualify
him for the entertainment of company, nor increase his power of self-enjoyment?
We observe, on the contrary, that they cross all these desirable ends; stupefy
the understanding and harden the heart, obscure the fancy and sour the temper.
We justly, therefore, transfer them to the opposite column, and place them in
the catalogue of vices"2
However, the empirical evidence seems
to show that this sort of criticism of humility is mistaken. Humility can
advance one's fortune in the world, as it is a distinguishing trait of CEO's of
successful organizations. The connection between humility and generosity shows
that it does render one a more valuable member of society. Others see humble individuals
as well-adjusted and kind. It looks like the empirical evidence about the value
of humility shows us that Hume's rejection of it was a mistake.
Given its appropriateness for us as
limited and fallible human beings, and its value for both individual
flourishing and social welfare, humility is a trait worth cultivating.
------------------------------------------------------
1 Julie Exline and
Peter Hill, "Humility: A consistent and robust predictor of
generosity," The Journal of Positive
Psychology (May 2012): 208-218. This article contains the
references related to the other empirical findings related to humility
discussed above.
2 An Enquiry into
the Principles of Morals (Indianapolis:
Hackett, 1983), pp. 73-74.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Personality Assessments: Myers-Briggs vs. The VIA Survey
http://www.viacharacterblog.org/whats-the-difference-between-myers-briggs-and-the-via-survey/
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MYERS-BRIGGS AND THE VIA SURVEY?
May 20, 2014 By Leave a Comment
Thursday, June 5, 2014
How Can I Figure Out What I Really Want to Do With My Life?
If you are in transition or thinking of a transition, check out this recent Time Magazine article:
The
first time baby John Lennon picked up a guitar, I doubt he seriously ran a cost
benefit analysis. If you’re trying something out, don’t be in too much of a
hurry to take it seriously. Aim to simply enjoy. The effort will come if the
passion is there.
http://time.com/2799361/how-can-i-figure-out-what-i-really-want-to-do-with-my-life/
How Can I Figure Out What I Really Want
to Do With My Life?
May
30, 2014
by Oliver Emberton, founder of Silktid
You
know how anyone can be anything they want, right? Well, they can’t.
Had
Bill Gates been born in a different time – or just a different town – he might
have spent his days as an illiterate peasant scooping up potatoes with his
hands.
Your
circumstances matter.Bill’s
real childhood had what mattered most: the opportunity to stumble upon what he
was born to do, and to go completely bananas doing it.
Few
are so lucky, but there’s still hope for the rest of us.
Kids are
geniuses
We
rarely prize people for acting like a child. The world is forever telling us to
“grow up” and “take responsibility”, as if anything else is a bug in the system.
On the contrary – childish behaviour can be quite brilliant. Kids try many
things. Stupid things, like eating soil or rollerskating on ice. But they’re fearless
and relentless.
Kids
don’t know what they don’t know. So they question everything.
Kids
are easily bored. They live in fantasy worlds because present reality is
limiting.
Such
behaviour is spectacularly good at figuring out the world and your part in it.
Acting like a kid is a brilliant way to explore your boundaries and deduce your
strengths. Ideally, your childhood is when you stumble upon your passions,
leaving your adult years to focus on them.
Unfortunately
many of us – like Bill the Potato Farmer – aren’t so lucky. The good news is,
modern life gives you more chances than ever to fix that.
Grown-up
children
Childlike
behaviour is generally frowned upon as an adult.
The
great advantage of being an adult is you can direct yourself. Children don’t
have the freedom or the awareness to steer their own development. Maybe your
childhood wasn’t what it could have been – but you can fix it now: Play.
The
first time baby John Lennon picked up a guitar, I doubt he seriously ran a cost
benefit analysis. If you’re trying something out, don’t be in too much of a
hurry to take it seriously. Aim to simply enjoy. The effort will come if the
passion is there.
Get reckless.
If
you really don’t know what you want to do,you’re going to have to try things
you haven’t done yet. And you’re going to fail – a lot – trying many
different things, most of which won’t work. Kids find this a lot easier because
they don’t worry about consequences. I encourage you to do the same. If it
helps, make it a proud part of your identity: you’re making a point out of
fearlessly trying as many things as possible, you sexy roguish daredevil you.
Question
everything. You know how everyone knew the world was flat until it wasn’t?
You have similarly limiting beliefs in your head right now – probably things
like “artists can’t earn a living” or “I’m not smart enough to do this”. Maybe,
but have you checked? Have you tried – really tried, like a
gun is pointed at your kneecaps – to find an alternative? Most really
successful people didn’t just find a way, they created one.
Ignore reality.
You
know how kids always dream of becoming astronauts, pop stars and giant
transforming robots? Barriers don’t apply when you’re five years old. And
whilst that seems like a stupid habit that you’d be wise to grow out of, if
you’re not sure what you want to do, don’t be in such a hurry to shut your
dreams down. Explore the impossible. Often it doesn’t lead to exactly what
you’re after (say walking on the moon) but it finds something else instead
(like a love of science that starts a whole career). You can’t know this in
advance. Just dare to follow where your heart takes you.
Chances
are, even if you don’t know what you want, that your childhood at least left
you some hints. Are there things you think of fondly, but never find the time
for? Start there.
The
great solace you have is that – by virtue of reading this – you automatically
have better options than potato farmer Bill. Access to the entirety of human
knowledge (The Google) for one. Better economics for another. And more freedom
than most of your grandparents could ever conceive of.
Now
get outside and play!
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